I do not grow weary of the long wait

It has been awhile since I've updated! The semester has been very busy and proven to be challenging in many ways. I'm finally enjoying spring break even though it's not just rest and relaxation. I'll be teaching string students at Peck Elementary tomorrow all by myself which is a wonderful challenge for me! I've also been practicing hard for my recital which is the next weekend after this one.

Today's been a deary day and I've been listening to some opera underneath my warm blanket and just looking out at the grayness. One of my favorite songs from Madame Butterfly came up, "Un bel di, vedremo." I thought I would share the English translation since the words are so beautiful and the story so tragic.

One good day, we will see
Arising a strand of smoke
Over the far horizon on the sea
And then the ship appears
And then the ship is white
It enters into the port, it rumbles its salute.

Do you see it? He is coming!
I don't go down to meet him, not I.
I stay upon the edge of the hill
And I wait along time
but I do not grow weary of the long wait.

And leaving from the crowded city,
A man, a little speck
Climbing the hill.
Who is it? Who is it?
And as he arrives
What will he say? What will he say?
He will call Butterfly from the distance
I without answering
Stay hidden
A little to tease him,
A little as to not die.
At the first meeting,
And then a little troubled
He will call, he will call
"Little one, dear wife
Blossom of orange"
The names he called me at his last coming.
All this will happen,
I promise you this
Hold back your fears -
I with secure faith wait for him.

Mama said there'd be days like this

Today was a trying day. I don't know, for some reason since last night, I've been pretty much in tears. Mood swing? I don't know. Maybe my body just has excess water it needed to get rid of, hahaha. Regardless, it did not help me to feel good today. I hope it goes away by tomorrow. I don't like feeling sad, and I have no reason to feel that way. Maybe it was just a case of winter blues.

I had a dentist appointment today that I didn't know of until my dentist called fifteen minutes after my appointment was supposed to be. After much hassle trying to get it fix, I went on because they would be able to take me. There, they discovered I have a small cavity on one of my left side, bottom back teeth. This is the first cavity I've ever had. I really can't believe this. I take really good care of my teeth for this exact reason. So on the 19th of this month I get to go get my first filling. Joy. Not something to brighten my day.

When I got home, my sister's boyfriend was over. Long story short, he's over every day for almost all day. Maybe I make a bigger deal about this then I should, but I don't think it's too much to ask for to have time at home with just my family. I'm not trying to seem hypocritical, because I know I spend a lot of time with Drew and I would like him to be over as much as Edward is. It just seems like I'm replaced when he is over. I don't mean to sound petty about this. Like I said, maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I just want to be able to be myself in my own home. They take over the tv/downstairs the entire time he's here. So I'm forced to either awkwardly sit down there with them (that's if there's somewhere for me to sit because they take up the entire couch) or stay upstairs like a prisoner. If I'm being ridiculous, someone tell me. To a point, I probably am. I've had a talk with my parents and sister about this, that maybe they could limit the time they spend at our house by either going out more or staying at his house. My parents say that he is over a little too much, but nothing has been done about it. Oh well, I'll be back at school soon and I won't have to endure it, except the weekends I come home, when I know he'll be there.....

I don't like, nor do I want to be a mean person. I feel childish for feeling this way about someone. I like to think that I'm becoming a mature adult and can handle things rationally. I've started to say a prayer to God asking for patience every time I start feeling agitated. I really don't give over my troubles to God as much as I should. I'm stubborn and try to fix things myself and stay stuck in my ways. This never gets me anywhere. God wants me to be a shining light for him. If I act rudely or mean, I'm not a shining light for God. This year, I hope to further strengthen my relationship with God by trusting Him more and giving over my troubles to Him.

I guess this is a good thing about a blog. Whether someone reads this or not, I'm able to get my feelings out. I'm actually feeling a lot better now just typing out what's been going on in my mind all day. I appreciate all the people in my life that listen to me in person anytime I need someone. I'm truly blessed, which is something I should remember the next time I'm feeling down.

Sneezy

Luckily, I called ahead and got a table beside the mayonnaise

Happy New Year! I had the most wonderful New Year, ringing it in with my wonderful boyfriend and his family. We had so much fun together!

I had a great day today getting to see some of my best friends that I met on my Europe trip this past summer! We went to Hanes Mall and shopped around and ate dinner together. It was nice to catch up with what's going on in every one's lives and talk about teaching. And of course all of our hilarious stories from Europe!

I'm a little anxious about the coming semester, but also very excited. I'll be taking 19 credit hours, which I've done before. I'm just worried about getting everything done along with all the teaching I'll be doing next semester. I'll have my internship for MUS 367B and teaching clarinet sectionals at a local HS every Friday. There's also the possibility that I'll be teaching lessons at another HS in Randolph County, and I signed up to teach private lessons through CMENC at a school they are creating to teach at. So busy, busy, busy! But it will be good for me. I've just got to trust that the Lord will bring me through it! Did I mention I also am giving a recital this semester? Scary. Again, I'll get through with God's help.....and a lot of practice!

The new year makes me think a lot about what's coming up. I'm scared about a few things, but I realize God has a plan, regardless of what I want to happen. It's like Drew said in his blog, all we have to do is hand over our lives to God, and he'll take care of us. God won't fulfil His plan for us unless we give ourselves over to Him. That means trusting Him completely, even if we don't understand. God has blessed my life tremendously, all my life. I have no reason to doubt that he will continue to do so.

Well, that's my little ramble for the night. Tomorrow needs to be a productive day so that I'll be ready when school starts back next week. Le sigh. I'm ready to be back for many reasons, but it is always nice to be at home. Anyways, enjoy this funny bunny picture in honor of my haunny baunnies!

Sneezy

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas! Mine was wonderful, filled with family and friends. I'm really excited about the guitar I got for Christmas! Not only will it serve for my pleasure and enjoyment, but I look at it as a tool for my future teaching in case I end up teaching elementary and need something to accompany the students with, or even start a guitar club in middle school (where I'll hopefully be). Today I watched one of my favorite movies, The Duchess. The movie is based on the real life story of Georgiana Spencer, the Duchess of Devonshire from 1774 until 1806. The movie tells about her horrible marriage to the Duke, who only wants her for her abilities to produce an heir. Georgiana is a passionate person who is unloved in her own home. Because she doesn't immediately give birth to a boy (she has three daughters before finally having a boy), the Duke has many affairs with the household maids and eventually with Georgiana's only friend, Lady Elizabeth Foster. Though it is clear the Duke and Lady Foster love each other, and the Duke insists Lady Foster live with them he denies Georgiana the right to be the man she loves, Charles Grey. Ahhh, I shouldn't spoil the whole movie. You must watch, it's a great drama. I couldn't imagine living my life not being able to be with someone I love or being forced to live with someone who doesn't love me. Her circumstances were dreadful. I'm glad that I'm living a life where who I marry is based on mutual love for one another - not money or status. This poem by Maya Angelou reminds me of Georgiana. Though she was a duchess and was the admiration of many, her personal life away from the public eye was tragic.

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

~Maya Angelou

Christmas Time is Here

Wow, I haven't updated in a while. I guess I feel I never have very profound things to say in this blog, so updating is just a bore for whoever reads this thing. But nonetheless, I am updating! Christmas break has been pretty good so far. It started off with a slight argument with my parents, which I believe stemmed from my not coming home as often this past semester. They're coming to the realization that I'm grown up. I'm not the little girl they've had to take care of these past almost 21 years. But things have worked out well, and I definitely needed their care this past Sunday night when I was sick. Oh it was terrible, but it was such a comfort to have my mom and dad right there to help me and bring me anything I needed. I know deep down inside that I'll always need my parents, and I have to remember to be sensitive to the fact that they're always going to need their little girl.

Ok, sorry for the mushy-ness. I do love my parents and think they're pretty much the best that there are. Mom and I are having so much fun planning Christmas activities. One thing I'm especially excited about this Christmas is Drew and his family are coming down Christmas evening for dinner! That's the best Christmas present I could receive. It's going to be nice to have the house filled with people I love! So exciting!

I'm also using the break to prepare myself for my joint recital with Lauren next semester. I'm really looking forward to being able to perform a polished recital. I don't consider myself the best player, but I'm hoping to be able to show off a little. At least show I can make a beautiful sound.

Well, this house still needs cleaning and picking up, and presents still have to be wrapped! An update will happen after all the Christmas festivities are over! I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

Sneezy

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

And so it is Reading Day. More like Jury Day to all of us music majors. I had my jury this morning at 10. I felt like it went ok, my piece was definitely the best part of it. I feel a sense of relief that it's over, but also dread of what Dr. Taylor will tell me in my post-jury appointment. I really never know how things went until that meeting. We'll see. Hopefully I don't have much to worry about. The exciting part is, this is my last reading day jury! The next two will be recital juries! Ahhhhh!

It is very cold outside today! I dread having to walk back to the music building in it. Brrrrrr. My new earmuffs kept my ears nice and warm though! I'm just spending my time inside relaxing and preparing for Christmas. I'm in the process of writing some Christmas cards at the moment. I'm not too worried about my exams. Tomorrow I have a conducting exam which should go fine. The other two are not really exams. For brass methods I have to arrange a 5-part brass chorale, which should be fairly easy since I'm pretty good with transposition. For marching band techniques we are presenting our show design projects. I just need to sit down and get all of that taken care of. So not too bad. I woke up this morning praising that I don't have any more ear training finals! I've paid my dues.....

Tonight, my roomies and I are going to have our Christmas and exchange gifts. It will be a lot of fun. I love this time of year. I'm really looking forward to the time I'm going to get to spend with my family and Drew and his family.

I hope everyone stays warm today and the rest of the week! Good luck on finals! Drink some hot chocolate!

Sneezy

"Gobble Gobble" Means "Happy Thanksgiving" in Turkey!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I'm so glad we have a day set aside to be with family and/or friends and remind ourselves what we are thankful for. Sometimes we don't take the time to think of all the ways we've been blessed throughout the year. I know personally, I should thank God much more everyday for all the blessings his given me. So in honor of this day, I'd like to make a list of the some of the things I'm thankful for (I'm sure I won't think of everything!).

Firstly, I am thankful for my family who have raised me, stood by me, and have always supported me for the past 20 years. They are the reason I am the person I am today. My parents have set such an example for me to live by. My little babe shew has been the best sister one could ask for. I don't know what I would have done without her at times.

Someone I am especially thankful for this Thanksgiving is my wonderful boyfriend, Drew. He is such an amazing person. I am constantly blown away with the love and kindness he shows me and others everyday and how he is always there for me. He inspires me to be a better person each day. He is truly my best friend. I love how we can laugh and play with each other, but I can always go to him and talk about more serious things. I smile each day just thinking about the things we can share together and grow closer to each other. I love you pumpkin!

To all my friends, I am truly thankful. Without some of my friends, I don't know how I would have made it, especially in college. All of the fun times at lunch, helping each other with homework, and just being there as a soundboard for all the things frustrating us has helped me more than they'll ever know. I appreciate all my friends for giving me the opportunity to learn about people and experience things that have helped shape me as a person. You guys are great!

I am thankful for music. Music has been a constant in my life and has helped me connect with myself and others. It is my passion, especially when you combine teaching with that. I'm thankful that I am able to go to college and be in such an incredible music program that will allow me to one day teach music to children.

There are so many things I am thankful for; food on my table for every meal and then some, a safe living environment, having things that I want but didn't really need, medical care, and having people protecting our country both overseas and right here at home. I'm sure there's so much more I'm leaving out.

I encourage everyone to think about the things they are thankful for tell them to God and to the ones you love. We take so many things for granted, but we aren't guaranteed the life we have tomorrow. It's important to appreciate each day.

I'm looking forward to this weekend of shopping and getting the Christmas decorations out! It's my favorite time of the year! I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving!