Introspective Lunch

I'm sitting outside the School of Music underneath the Organ Hall eating lunch. I can't describe the stillness that is around. Last night was completely opposite with the intense thunderstorm we had. The lightning was constant and the thunder absolutely booming. Sitting here alone eating, I realized how much of my days are spent by myself with my own thoughts. Now if anybody knows me, they know that I like to be with other people - well, it has to be the right people. Even if we're not actively doing something or talking about something, I feel safe with other people around. I'm not much one for being alone or going to do things on my own.

The famous Greta Garbo always "vaunted to be alone!"

But this semester has been mostly that. I am alone during practice (I mean, that's the way it should be, haha), most meals, breaks between class, and in the evenings doing homework. With Drew in Iowa, family at home, and friends busy with their own activities, I've found myself in solitude more than I ever have been. But I'm actually learning to appreciate the time I have to myself. I don't have to worry about impressing someone, I can have my own opinions, I can dream about the future. I'm learning to be happy by myself which is a pretty major feat for me. At the end of last school year, I couldn't imagine being content with so much time alone. However, now I feel that the time alone is helping me grow as a person. I've especially seen this in the practice room. While in previous years I've hated locking myself in a room to practice alone, I now have discovered what can be accomplished being alone and truly enveloping yourself into the moment. In my case it's my music. I take all the feelings that I can't really share with others and let them guide my phrases. I've definitely seen an improvement in my focus and my playing.

So maybe this alone thing isn't so bad after all. That's not to say I want to be alone from now on all the time, forever and ever. I actually get to see Drew in less than 10 days now and I'm so excited! He is one of the few people that I truly feel myself around and can say anything to (which is good, seeing as he is my boyfriend :D). It's just good to know that I can be happy when alone and appreciative of what it has to offer to me.