Who's first in your life?

Yes, it's been forever since I've updated! This past semester was challenging, not only just with school work, but other personal issues as well. I've learned a lot about myself, and for some reason, I woke up today reflecting about how I acted and felt last semester and how I need to act and feel in the future.

As a Christian, God is constantly on my mind (well, most of the time) and He is my go to man for conversation. No matter what, he's always there to hear me complain. Not saying that there's no one else who would do that.....it's just He already knows what I'm going to say (so sometimes it's easier). I got to thinking this morning, just because I talk to God and tell Him my problems and ask that His will be done, do I really want His will to be done - or my will be done.

I tend to put my problems or my desires first in my life, instead of God. This is where my problems occur. I'm a sensitive person who easily gets upset over even the smallest things. I try not to, but sometimes it gets the better of me. This causes me to feel jealous, insecure, angry, and many other terrible feelings. This hurts not only the people around me, but it hurts me inside. It's funny how no matter how much we want to hate or be angry, it really makes you hurt inside. Or at least that's how it is for me. And I admit, I've had these horrible feelings this past semester. But why? I have a wonderful, loving, amazing boyfriend, a loving and supportive family, awesome friends who are always there for me. It happens when I don't put God first in my life. If I only give in to my desires and sin, I've put God anywhere but first in my life. That's not living up to my potential. Until I consistently put God first in my life, I'll feel incomplete and all those horrible feelings I listed above. Perhaps in my prayers instead of just talking about the troubles of my heart that are only of this physical world, I should pray for a closer relationship with Him.

I pray that during this summer I become even closer to God by trusting Him and putting Him first in my life. When school begins in August, I'm going to be faced with several challenges. One of the big ones is Drew moving to Iowa to complete his masters. It's going to be tough not being physically with him, but through prayer (and thankfully technology), we'll make it through! Because we want it to work and we center our relationship around God. A great example of how putting God first leaves you happy and satisfied. I just have to remember that when things get tough and I start missing him. I'm so thankful to have a boyfriend who pushes me to better myself and my relationship with God. Also next year begins my senior year as an undergrad in college. I only have one semester of classes left then it's student teaching! I'm both excited and nervous about this, but again, God first and the rest will follow! This goes with interviewing and getting a job after graduation and being patient for the rest of my future to happen.

So, I ask you today, who's first in your life? If you're not happy or feel dissatisfied, I encourage you to look at what you put first in your life. Who are you living for? If you're feeling this way, all you need is a simple prayer to God. Don't worry....he already knows what you're going to say. He just wants to hear you say it :)

Sneezy