"It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through"

"When you love someone, they're a part of you. It's like you're attached by this invisible tether and no matter how far away you are, you can always feel them."

That was part of Sue's speech during her sister's funeral on last night's Glee episode. It was really heart touching to hear the words. It made me think a lot about the ones I love....those with me in the flesh and those who have moved on to a better place.

But my pumpkin's blog and our conversation this morning got me to thinking about it more. About my love for him. Sorry if no one wants to hear this....but I'm mainly writing this for him :). I remember it only took a few conversations with him to make me feel like I was tethered to him. I've never felt that way about anyone else. He makes me feel like no one else has. I look into his eyes and it's like everything else disappears. He's only looking at me, only thinking about me, and I feel myself melt.

I'm pretty sure he knows my love for him :). We tell each other everyday in different ways. The reason I'm writing this blog is because after this summer, he is moving away to Iowa. I've cried a lot thinking about how he won't be just a few minutes drive away, how I won't be able to hold his hand, hug him, or kiss him whenever I want. We won't even be in the same time zone. And I know he feels the same way. We constantly get asked by people, "What are you two going to do when Drew goes to Iowa?" People don't put faith in long distance relationships. But I'm not putting my faith in a long distance relationship. I'm putting my faith and my love in Drew and our love. It doesn't matter where he is. Just like that statement in Glee, we attached by an invisible tether, and even when I can't be with him, he's always there. I can always feel him in my heart.

I know my pumpkin stays strong about this for me. But I know he's feeling the same worry and sadness about leaving. And he has much more to worry about than I do. I wanted to write this out for him to read, to remind him that no matter what, I'm going to be here for him. We've already planned out ways we will stay connected to each other during this absence (and I have a few surprises planned :D). I have no doubts about our relationship. I look forward as using this as a way to strengthen our love and our relationship. God placed us together, and something inside me just tells me this is for real. I love Drew with all my heart.

I'll close with an anonymous quote that perfectly describes my love for Drew:

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak in the knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."

Who's first in your life?

Yes, it's been forever since I've updated! This past semester was challenging, not only just with school work, but other personal issues as well. I've learned a lot about myself, and for some reason, I woke up today reflecting about how I acted and felt last semester and how I need to act and feel in the future.

As a Christian, God is constantly on my mind (well, most of the time) and He is my go to man for conversation. No matter what, he's always there to hear me complain. Not saying that there's no one else who would do that.....it's just He already knows what I'm going to say (so sometimes it's easier). I got to thinking this morning, just because I talk to God and tell Him my problems and ask that His will be done, do I really want His will to be done - or my will be done.

I tend to put my problems or my desires first in my life, instead of God. This is where my problems occur. I'm a sensitive person who easily gets upset over even the smallest things. I try not to, but sometimes it gets the better of me. This causes me to feel jealous, insecure, angry, and many other terrible feelings. This hurts not only the people around me, but it hurts me inside. It's funny how no matter how much we want to hate or be angry, it really makes you hurt inside. Or at least that's how it is for me. And I admit, I've had these horrible feelings this past semester. But why? I have a wonderful, loving, amazing boyfriend, a loving and supportive family, awesome friends who are always there for me. It happens when I don't put God first in my life. If I only give in to my desires and sin, I've put God anywhere but first in my life. That's not living up to my potential. Until I consistently put God first in my life, I'll feel incomplete and all those horrible feelings I listed above. Perhaps in my prayers instead of just talking about the troubles of my heart that are only of this physical world, I should pray for a closer relationship with Him.

I pray that during this summer I become even closer to God by trusting Him and putting Him first in my life. When school begins in August, I'm going to be faced with several challenges. One of the big ones is Drew moving to Iowa to complete his masters. It's going to be tough not being physically with him, but through prayer (and thankfully technology), we'll make it through! Because we want it to work and we center our relationship around God. A great example of how putting God first leaves you happy and satisfied. I just have to remember that when things get tough and I start missing him. I'm so thankful to have a boyfriend who pushes me to better myself and my relationship with God. Also next year begins my senior year as an undergrad in college. I only have one semester of classes left then it's student teaching! I'm both excited and nervous about this, but again, God first and the rest will follow! This goes with interviewing and getting a job after graduation and being patient for the rest of my future to happen.

So, I ask you today, who's first in your life? If you're not happy or feel dissatisfied, I encourage you to look at what you put first in your life. Who are you living for? If you're feeling this way, all you need is a simple prayer to God. Don't worry....he already knows what you're going to say. He just wants to hear you say it :)

Sneezy